Shower Rules

Shower Rules

Iron man training has provided me with yet another assessment of life’s mysteries.  Given my great disdain for weight training, it never occurred to me that fitness centers (in this case LA Fitness) needed to develop “Shower Rules.”  During a recent visit I observed numerous disgusting and maybe perverted practices.

1.       You must cover yourself when walking to the showers.  Especially parts that flap in the breeze.

2.       LA Fitness has 10 showers.  Five on one side and 5 on the other.  When entering the shower area it is unacceptable to use a shower directly across from an occupied shower.  Especially when 9 of 10 showers are vacant.

3.       When using a shower you must pull the curtain closed.  Especially if you occupy a shower directly across from someone else.  I really don’t want to see you rubbing yourself down with soap.

4.       When you have finished your shower you must towel off in the shower, preferably with the curtain closed.  Air drying by walking nude around the locker room is strictly prohibited.    

5.       This is important, no bending over with your naked backside facing the aisle to put your socks on.  Sit on the bench like all the others.  This is especially true if near the entrance or exit doors.  No one wants an uninvited face full of ass. 

Remember Your First Time?

I’m a few days from my first triathlon.  Knowing I trained too much or not enough.  Knowing and not knowing, all at the same time, what I can expect and what I can accomplish.  The anticipation of something new makes me think back on my first race.

I ran track for two weeks my freshman year in high school.  Oh, I’d like that opportunity again.  Not all the other crap, but the opportunity to replay running as a 13 year old athlete.  My school had one distance runner on the track team – a Junior (Paul).  Like many schools in my area, the track team was a way for football coaches to keep their players fit in the off season.   Runners were an unnecessary distraction.  Paul was not a football player, he was a runner.  I didn’t know this for a long time, but during Paul’s Sophomore year he ran under well under 5 minute miles and was truly feared by area distance runners. 

My first day of track the football coach spots this tall, 130 pound when wet, scrawny-ass punk hanging around.  I’m sure he rapidly deduced I was not football material.  He didn’t ask my name or why I was there.  He said, “Go with Paul.”  In less than 30 seconds I had become the Number 2 man on the “Distance Team.”  What did I do on Day 1 with Paul?  We ran 10 miles.  Paul took it easy on me.  He never said a word, but I ran the distance.  No watches, no cares, no worries.  Just Paul, me, and my black high top Converse shoes.  Paul and I repeated this run over the next 4 days. 

During Week two we had 2 track meets.   When the mile event came up during the first meet the coached told me to, “Go with Paul.”  So, I ran with Paul – like always, not knowing Paul was a running super star.  Either I hung with Paul for two laps or he was taunting me.  I still don’t know.    I do know I worked on my “fading with grace” techniques for the final two laps.  My high tops and I ran a 5:04 on a dirt track that day. 

I gave up running that week.  No one ever said if I did well or sucked.  The football coach was really pissed when I didn’t show for week three of track.   I was more determined than ever to not run because of the football ass.  It was years before I realized that I had missed what may have very well been a golden opportunity.   It’s funny and a little sad how we look at opportunity when revealed.