Trail PHD - May 2011

How to Earn a Trail Runner PhD

Troy Pruett

There are three parts to the Trailer Runner PhD:  Pain, humiliation and determination.

Not too long ago Drum (aka Michelle) sent me an e-mail asking about which events I planned to do over the late spring and summer.  I innocently responded that I was “CONSIDERING” the Jemez New Mexico 50k and the Chattanooga 3-day mountain stage run.  Right away she sends a text, “I’m registered for Jemez.”  Warning to self and others: Drum does not consider anything, is very impulsive, and will say yes to anything involving a mountain.  Not to be out done by a wussie judge in training (WJIT), I reluctantly registered for Jemez.

What do we all do “after” registering for an event?  Read about the course.  Does anyone really do homework before committing funds?   The Jemez race reports and blogs are terrifying.  The course is compared to the big hitters Leadville, Bandera, Western States and a couple other nightmares.  Phrases like extremely technical, aggressive elevation gains, high altitude, poisonous snakes and animals that will eat you are frequently mentioned.  Drum tells me the next week that she convinced Beth to register and they are both really excited.  Me, I’m thinking dumb blondes don’t know any better and I’m old enough to know better. 

How does a flatlander train for Jemez?  Trick question, you can’t.  Instead I did an eight-week work-up for Eugene and ran the marathon in under 3 hours.  I then put in two 40-plus mile weeks and went to Jemez.  I stupidly thought I could run the course in 6 hours.  In retrospect there is a way for a flatlander to train for Jemez.  Step 1:  put two cinder blocks under the front end of the treadmill.  Step 2:  Increase the grade to the maximum setting.  You have now equaled the easiest mountain on the course.  Step 3:  Set the speed for 15 minutes/mile.  Step 4:  Insert snorkel into mouth.  Step 5:  Go for 90 minutes.   Think you can beat Jemez?  Good luck.

 I earned my “P in pain” about 5 miles into the run.  I broke a couple of cardinal rules of trail running.  Always stay focused on the trail and never cross your legs.  I’m positive I crossed my left leg over the right.  The left knee hit the rocks first, followed by my torso and hands in a desert thorn bush.  Blood trickled from at least a dozen locations and my right thumb had turned purple.  As I approached each aid station the very supportive volunteers always asked, “Are you alright?  Can you still run?  Would you like us to clean up your knee?”  Each time I responded, “No way, I look like a bad-ass now!”  One volunteer responded, “Yes, your tye-dye shorts really support the bad-ass look!”

The high altitude causes delirium.  It’s the only reason I can explain the picture demonstrating that alternate universes exist.  How else can you explain the Future Troy and Today Troy together at the same point in time? 

It didn’t take much longer to lose my bad-assedness.  I earned my “H in humility” around mile 20.  After going up three mountains and with a couple major climbs left to go I became reverential and submitted to the mountain.  At this very moment I saw Beth and Drum smiling at me as we crossed paths on the trail.  The only thing I could think to say was, “I am soooooo sorry.”  As dumb blondes would have it, they both appeared happy and were still excited about finishing the run. 

After three more solid climbs I reached the beginning of the desolation zone, a five mile downhill trek through a waste land of fallen trees and rubble.  I earned my “D in determination” about two miles in.  My quads were shot, the sun beat down on my head, my stomach ached, I was all alone and I kept hearing rattlesnakes (well at least one).  This was the longest run/walk to the finish I have ever experienced.  After 29 miles there was no way this course would win.

Is Jemez really that hard?  YES!  Not that I’m a proficient trail runner (just a PhD), but I have done trail marathons or better in Wilmington Delaware, Capon Valley West Virginia, Tuscaloosa Alabama, Huntsville Park in Texas, Sylamore in Arkansas, and the Laurel Highlands in Pennsylvania.  Jemez easily scores a 10 for the extreme technical surface, altitude, elevation gains and miles of half-track course.  By comparison, the North Shore trail ranks about a 3. 

What are you waiting for?  Register today!